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View Full Version : OK, Moms, let's hear it.



KattyZak
01-24-2008, 07:33 AM
I am curious from you mom with older kids what your dating rules were? What worked - what didn't. What you wished you would have done (well, maybe we don't want to go there.)
DD has had a 'thing' with a guy for over a month (hanging out) and he is going to 'ask her out' (be his girlfriend) as early as today. She gets to say yeah, but we have to all talk - not that I haven't already asked him a zillion questions.
So, don't hold back...

emst
01-24-2008, 08:49 AM
Kathy do you like the guy? Do you feel like you can trust him? What are the rules now for dating. What is the curfew time on the weekends, on school nights? If the guy was too busy to meet us then no going out with him, those were the rules. Luckily for us the girls both dated nice guys.
Those are basically what I looked for but then again my girls are now 36 and 32 so wayyyyyyyy back then we probably had stricter rules.
First with us no dating during the week.
Second if you leave with him he is the one to bring you home by curfew time, no excuses.
Stick to what the curfews are that are already in place with just hanging with friends and now hanging with just him.
I guess I lucked out, the girls stuck to their curfews great. They knew if they didn't they would be grounded and that was a bad word.
See how your daughter is acting with him. Watch for controlling. One of our friends had a controlling boyfriend, he didn't want her going anywhere without him, couldn't hang with her friends. He turned their daughter into putty.
Oh yeah remind her that her that she should still keep doing things with her friends, at this age the guy is here today and gone tomorrow, her true friends will always be there. That's something that sometimes they forget.
GOOD LUCK!!

Sexy__Eyes
01-24-2008, 09:11 AM
I guess I've been lucky so far. The girls my boys were dating were always sweet. The boys my step daughters were polite. So far so good however this 1 guy my step daughter #2 is dating is an...well lets say she could do better. But he is respectful to her and us so...
As for curfews, they really didnt start to "date" until they were 18. At that point they know whats right and wrong ( I hope they do). If they have classes ( college) or work the next day they do come home at a decent time. I dont set the time. All I ever asked was if they say they will be home by 11 that they be home by 11 or call.
As for my oldest....some know already but I might as well announce it here. He called the other day and asked me what I thought about Natalie (the girl hes been dating for 3 years and has lived with for 2 years) I said I loved her to pieces....shes a sweetheart. He said great casue she said yes. He proposed WOOOHOO. They are planning a fall 2008 wedding and I cant be any happier.
:vb_chirolp_iei:

Melody
01-24-2008, 11:15 AM
That's awesome Liz, congrats!

Wish I had some advice, but I don't. I'm a little closer in years to being the dating teen versus the Mom with the dating teen. I could maybe tell you what not to let your kids do, lol! My teen years were pretty rough and I gave my parents a lot of, umm, trouble. I think one of the best things though is to try and have an honest, open relationship with your kids. It sounds like you're pretty close to yours so I'm guessing you already have that. Good luck Kathy!

inge
01-24-2008, 10:32 PM
I won't be able to give advice either, just like Melody I'm better playing the teen with just 26 years old. In my opinion it is all about trust...

I met my husband when I was just 16, we were best friends for almost a year before we finally kissed so my mom and dad knew who he was. The rules (there weren't many) didn't changed from that point...

Keep talking but never try to force your children to do that, that is my golden advice !

babyofmine
01-25-2008, 05:53 AM
I don't have teens yet, but I'll share the rules my parents had, that worked for me. :D
Group-dating only, until age 16.
No dating during the week, unless it was to "hang out" at a school event.
Curfew was 11pm, unless it was a special occasion, like a dance.
Call if we're going to be late (this was before cell-phones, so that was a hassle! LOL).
Call if our location changed.
But all this was in force after my parents met the boy. If they didn't like him, I couldn't date him. And :blushing: that happened a few times. I liked the bad boys!! :laugh:

tborntreger
01-25-2008, 06:00 AM
Congratulations!! Looks like you have a wedding to help plan!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I guess I've been lucky so far. The girls my boys were dating were always sweet. The boys my step daughters were polite. So far so good however this 1 guy my step daughter #2 is dating is an...well lets say she could do better. But he is respectful to her and us so...
As for curfews, they really didnt start to "date" until they were 18. At that point they know whats right and wrong ( I hope they do). If they have classes ( college) or work the next day they do come home at a decent time. I dont set the time. All I ever asked was if they say they will be home by 11 that they be home by 11 or call.
As for my oldest....some know already but I might as well announce it here. He called the other day and asked me what I thought about Natalie (the girl hes been dating for 3 years and has lived with for 2 years) I said I loved her to pieces....shes a sweetheart. He said great casue she said yes. He proposed WOOOHOO. They are planning a fall 2008 wedding and I cant be any happier.
:vb_chirolp_iei:

KattyZak
01-25-2008, 09:33 AM
Good stuff, gals. Thanks. That gives me some more insight. Really like the new guy and trust him and all that but then I also can let fear get a hold of me. So, we will see. Girls have really changed since I was young so long ago [and yes, Julie, they still like the bad boys ;) ] as they are the aggressive ones moreso the boys. Its weird that way.
And woo hoo, Liz, that is wonderful news and whats even better is that you love her...YEA~!!! Lots of scap material will be coming your way. Is this the curly hair boy?

Sexy__Eyes
01-25-2008, 09:38 AM
Good stuff, gals. Thanks. That gives me some more insight. Really like the new guy and trust him and all that but then I also can let fear get a hold of me. So, we will see. Girls have really changed since I was young so long ago [and yes, Julie, they still like the bad boys ;) ] as they are the aggressive ones moreso the boys. Its weird that way.
And woo hoo, Liz, that is wonderful news and whats even better is that you love her...YEA~!!! Lots of scap material will be coming your way. Is this the curly hair boy?

No he's way too young ( Ill kick him in the butt lol) its this 1. Frank (http://www.godigitalscrapbooking.com/photopost/showphoto.php?photo=20577&ppuser=3236)

KattyZak
01-25-2008, 09:48 AM
Oh ok - I remember this layout. They both look very urban/artsy. Or is that just an upstate New York look? Cute couple.

Sexy__Eyes
01-25-2008, 11:05 AM
Oh ok - I remember this layout. They both look very urban/artsy. Or is that just an upstate New York look? Cute couple.

Its the urban/artsy look, they live and work in NYC.

Debra
01-25-2008, 11:27 AM
Congratulations Liz! What an exciting time!

As far as dating... My 19 yo DD hasn't really "dated" per say (they don't seem to have that old fashioned "let me call her and invite her to dinner" kind of process)..but has had boyfriends - 2 to be exact. Both were fairly short lived. In the meantime, she has many male friends.

After my own experience as a teenager and the rebelious nature I had, and because my DD was responsible, maintained good grades and has always been open and honest for the most part, I learned to let her make her own choices regarding the boys - that's sure not to say I haven't had to hold her and soothe her a few times as she went through the process of getting her heart broke.

The one thing I have learned is that the more sweeter and charming they appeared to me the more fake and worse character they seem to have. (and I especially keep an eye out for the ones most comfortable and overly concerned with making a good impression with me)... This seems to hold true for both young ladies and young men.

Good Luck Kathy... I know this is a very rough time.. my sympathies having 2 teenager at the same time!!

As for dating rules... she didn't date before 18 so it was never an issue. However, she went out many times as friends with both her guy and girlfriends and the rules were the same. Ask permission before you go, be where you are suppose to be or contact and ask to revise the plans. Be home when suppose to be home. If you're staying at a girlfriends over night.. the parents must be home (and yes, I checked a few times). No going out on a school night other than to youth group activites and home by 10 pm. Trust is earned.

At this age, it seems almost too serious to think of getting into a "sit down"... I guess I just never expected those relationships to be long term. The one thing I would recommend is certainly making sure to invite them to be around. Come over, watch a movie, hang out... Kris had lots of people over and her friends are pretty much life long.. so it's been a bit easier to know what is going on.