PDA

View Full Version : How strict a mom are you?



yin
03-22-2007, 09:13 PM
Just last sunday my older son came back from sunday school and told me my younger one put up his hand when the teachers asked if anyone had problems and needed prayer. His problem? "My parents are too strict"

We didn't know whether to cry or to laugh!!! Well yes, we are pretty strict, but we hadn't thought of it as a "problem" to our children!!

Just wondering how strict you are, or believe you should or should not be?

ScrapGrl
03-22-2007, 09:33 PM
I was just thinking about this today actually. Weird. Well, my baby is only 15months old but I was thinking how before I had her, I thought I was going to be a lot more strict than I really am. Of course, I don't think I can really discipline her now because she doesn't quite understand BUT I don't see myself as being as strict when she gets older than what I thought I would be. Does that make sense?

But really, I think all kids think their parents are strict. If you tell a kid no then they automatically think you are strict. So I don't think you can really help it.

That is funny though... :laugh:

twirlyjoy
03-23-2007, 01:09 AM
I agree - I think as soon as you say no to a kid, they think you are strict! If my girls are in a good mood with me, they will say that I'm not strict, but if they have just been told off or not allowed something, they think I am!!

ckbymommy
03-23-2007, 06:40 AM
I'm sure that my kids would disagree, but I don't feel that we are strict enough sometimes.

We had some issues with our youngest adult child, so are a bit more careful with the three still at home. But being more careful means that we ask more questions and are more aware of what is going on. We do expect them to complete their chores and keep their rooms/bathrooms clean and also check their grades on the school website before we allow them to go do things, but as long as they are keeping up with their responsibilities AND we don't already have other plans for them, then they can pretty much to anything (within reason:wink:).

I know that they, however, would say that the fact that they even have chores to do is *way* to strict, LOL. And, I am getting flack right now from my 13 year old son that we don't allow them to date until 16.

bay_girl
03-23-2007, 07:13 AM
We hadnt been strict enough with my oldest (shes almost 5). Lately she has become a walking attitude problem. We've finally started cracking the whip with her though. We dont ask much of her though. Just that she keep her toys and clothes put away and not scream and yell and backtalk us. She obviously thinks we are too strict though, shes always talking about running away.

Rebecca
03-23-2007, 07:35 AM
Yes and No. I am strict when I need to be. Certain things I will let slide others I won't budge on. I spoil them rotten but they still listen to me for the most part too.

Debra
03-23-2007, 07:40 AM
Hmmm... I think I'm middle of the road. I don't ask alot of them constantly (or didn't now that 3 are grown and mostly out of the house), normal things to expect, strive to do your best in school, be honest, do what I ask of you and be respectful of yourself and others.

If strict means following through with consequences when those things didn't happen, then yes, I'm strict. And would not ever apologize for being so. I believe in treating them in such a way that they know I am only doing whatever it is, in their best interest.. out of love and care. (I want them to enjoy being kids too :). Things and previledges were earned through responsibility and trust.

LOL.. did they like it.. nope... which looking back now, I think is a great thing! Are they good people, caring and responsible and people I would want in my life whether they were my children or not... absolutely!

Take any credit... NO way... God's Grace always.. I have been blessed :)

Now Hannah, my five year old...lol.. she's gonna give me a real run for my money!! hehe!

ckbymommy
03-23-2007, 09:18 AM
Sounds like you have quite the strong willed child!! My granddaughter is just like that - but I think now that you are starting to add a bit of discipline, it will get better. (not perfectly easy, LOL, just better :wink:)


We hadnt been strict enough with my oldest (shes almost 5). Lately she has become a walking attitude problem. We've finally started cracking the whip with her though. We dont ask much of her though. Just that she keep her toys and clothes put away and not scream and yell and backtalk us. She obviously thinks we are too strict though, shes always talking about running away.

Maisie
03-23-2007, 11:23 AM
Oh jeeze... Mine are grown, except the 17 year old. Still at home.
He gets a little mouthy sometimes. I guess he forgets, he's the child and I am the Mom.

crops2dawn
03-23-2007, 11:47 AM
I was really getting into this thread!!!.. when all of a sudden I see Debra has 3 kids that are almost out of the house and Maise whose are all grown up, except for the 17 year old!!! WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE TAKING!!!! You look like kids yourself!!!!!! I am in AWE!!! Debra I hope you dont mind, but when did you have your kids??? at 10??? LOL
As for being Strict... it all depends anymore, if I am in the mood to be strict!
In the beginning I was very strict, but I think after the first one, you become more relaxed and frankly you've been through it already. Now you just hope they carry everything you taught them into their world and pray to God some of it sinks in!!!
Just my 2 cents worth!

Maisie
03-23-2007, 12:59 PM
Yep, Debra is so pretty!!! Love her Avie

My two oldest are doing pretty good in their lives. Good jobs, happy families, and adorable kids! So I guess I didn't do too badly. he he he

I have to just brag a sec on my youngest though, ok?
So please forgive me...
Nick applied to 4 colleges, and all 4 accepted him. Penn state, NC State, Va
Tech, and Maryland U. We also found out last week he is in the top 25 kids with the highest grades out of 400 and some kids, at school.
Now if yoi knew my side of the family, you'd be so totally shocked!!! LOL




I was really getting into this thread!!!.. when all of a sudden I see Debra has 3 kids that are almost out of the house and Maise whose are all grown up, except for the 17 year old!!! WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE TAKING!!!! You look like kids yourself!!!!!! I am in AWE!!! Debra I hope you dont mind, but when did you have your kids??? at 10??? LOL
As for being Strict... it all depends anymore, if I am in the mood to be strict!
In the beginning I was very strict, but I think after the first one, you become more relaxed and frankly you've been through it already. Now you just hope they carry everything you taught them into their world and pray to God some of it sinks in!!!
Just my 2 cents worth!

cimorosete
03-23-2007, 03:14 PM
This is just too funny. I just finished having this conversation with my 17 year old(he'll be 18 in 2 months). I told him that when everything is going his way all is well, but as soon as I say "No", he turns into this little evil disrespectful monster. It is that magical word "No". They think we tell them "No" to punish them, but I tell him its because "I care". Being a parent is the toughest job out there. I would like to hope one day they realize and Thank us for what we've done. Its not being strict, its caring.

Andrea
03-23-2007, 03:27 PM
Wow, I agree that some of you are looking radiantly young!!!

My opinion...if strict means that you have rules with consequences, then you are doing just fine. I do think they need to have some freedoms too, but need to know what rules and consequences go a long with those freedoms.

But, what do I know??? My oldest, of four, is only 10! :laugh:

babydoe
03-23-2007, 04:23 PM
In the beginning, I don't think I was nearly strict enough which made it much harder for me when my son got older. Then he said that I was too strict-said I would never have to worry about having a heart attack because I didn't have one! Now he has a son of his own and is learning about discipline and how important it is. I love being a grandma--I don't worry about that anymore--HE does! :laugh:

cimorosete
03-23-2007, 05:14 PM
I love it!!! Gotta love karma!!!

Debra
03-23-2007, 06:36 PM
In the beginning, I don't think I was nearly strict enough which made it much harder for me when my son got older. Then he said that I was too strict-said I would never have to worry about having a heart attack because I didn't have one! Now he has a son of his own and is learning about discipline and how important it is. I love being a grandma--I don't worry about that anymore--HE does! :laugh:

Amen Sister! I can't wait for that "what comes around, goes around" for a few of thier "interesting" stunts! And being a Grandma.... Oh, I am so looking forward to it, and always have :love-smiley-011: :love-smiley-011:

steph
03-23-2007, 07:17 PM
I try to discipline my son, but it doesn't always go so well... LOL... it doesn't help that the little monkey is smarter then I am sometimes... and he's only five!! I do try to do my best though, and that's all I can do... I'm only human!!!

ckbymommy
03-23-2007, 10:47 PM
I love being a grandma--I don't worry about that anymore--HE does! :laugh:

LOL - I love the whole 'mommy curse' thing - you know, where you tell your kids when they are being particular horrid that their kids will be 3 times worse.

My 23 year old was quite a challenge throughout her life, but her teens years were especially trying. I used to tell her that I couldn't wait until her kids got her back for me. Of course, her response at the time was that she was never going to have any.

Guess what, she now has 3 and two of them are incredibly strong willed kiddo's at 2 1/2 and almost 4 (the other is only 6 months, but I know before long he will be dishing out retribution for Nana, LMBO!!) Can't wait until they are all teens at the same time, LOL.

BTW, if you think it is wrong for me to feel this way, you didn't live with her,
http://i106.photobucket.com/albums/m241/ckbymommy/smilies/RoflLg.gif

babydoe
03-24-2007, 01:54 PM
BTW, if you think it is wrong for me to feel this way, you didn't live with her,
http://i106.photobucket.com/albums/m241/ckbymommy/smilies/RoflLg.gif[/QUOTE]

That is so TRUE! I remember that at 17 my only child had gotten so bad at times that I went in to work one day and told my Dept. Chair that I now believed in reincarnation. When he asked why, I told him that I had been doing some hard soul searching, and although I could be really bitchy (can I say that word here?) sometimes, I could honestly say that I never set out to hurt anyone on purpose, and was honest and a hard worker so there was nothing in this life that I could be punished for by having this child from H___L! So it must have been something I did in a former life!

I also fantasized that I had been kidnapped by aliens and that he must be some alien spawn! Is that awful or what? Thank goodness we both lived through it and he is a great and very responsible father. (But I still get a little thrill when my grandson is not acting at his best) I too believe in the saying "What goes around, comes around." It is just more fun when I can see it in person! HE HE HE :laugh:

This is really bad: I used tell him (but he didn't believe it) that he wasn't my child--I was carrying him for a friend, and she never came back to get him. I'M SO BAD!!

steph
03-24-2007, 02:44 PM
I think I have been cursed with that mother's curse too!!! I was so nasty when I was a teenager, and now I have a strong willed little man!!! When I'm ready to pull all my hair out, I remember that my mom had to put up with me, and remind myself that paybacks are a you know what... LOL!!!

twirlyjoy
03-25-2007, 03:41 AM
I certainly hope that 'what goes around, comes around' is true - I wasn't too bad as a teenager (and my dad will vouch for that!) - at least compared to some of my friends, so hope that my girls won't be too bad either!! Mind you, with the eldest 2 being 12 mnths apart in age, and then the youngest only 3 years younger than that, I'm gonna get it all together - think I'm gonna be in for a rough ride!!

One thing that my girls do consider me strict for is the fact that I always carry out a punishment I give them. If I ban tv for a week, then they do NOT get to watch tv for a week, etc - no let-ups at all! It does mean that I have to be very careful when I dish out a punishment - I obviously am not going to ground them for a year - my life would be a nightmare! But, it also means that if I threaten a punishment, they know that I will carry it out. I also tend not to give the punishment when i am angry - I calm down, and then tell them - it means they get more realistic punishments which I do actually follow through with!

I'll shut up now - that was a bit of a ramble for Sunday morning!!!! ;)

steph
03-25-2007, 06:13 AM
That's great advice, Joy, the calming down before you punish!!! I think Dave and I should start doing that!!!

yin
03-25-2007, 07:12 AM
Very good advice indeed, Joy! I tend to jump and say things I regret!

I also need to learn to pick my battles, with my younger one, if I want to pick every battle, I will be saying No 24 hours a day! He is just so mischievious, curious, getting into all sorts of situations all the time!!

How I wish one day I can say as Debra and Maisie, that my kids are grown, all well, and people I can honestly say I like, not just because they are my kids! At this point, somedays I do worry a lot how they will turn out!! I guess prayer and consistenly continuing to do my best with them is going to work just fine!

Terrell
03-25-2007, 10:03 AM
My kids always say I am too strict but that's ok. I already even have had them tell me they hate me. My response? "Good, that means I am doing my job!" Too strict is usually judged by one or more of the following:

My friends are going to the movies and it's over at midnight why can't I? (Because I don't want your face on a milk carton and one out of every 3 of your friends has already been in trouble with the police YOU have not and I want to keep it that way :eek1 )

Why can't I sleep over so and so's house? (Because I don't know their parents)

Why can't I have the newest Razor phone and why do I have to pay for my service? (Because unfortunately my green skin coloring is actually nausea not money and you need to learn responsibility and I am NOT paying another $400 cellphone bill)

Why do I have to check in every half an hour when I am out playing? (Because it is the longest I am willing to go without being able to see you and I want to know where you are)

These are just a few of course but you get the idea. Parenting is hard once they become social. When they were babies and toddlers it was really easy but now comes the "Mother's Curse" Especially since their Dad has passed, I am getting hit with both barrels lol. :twitcy:

As far as punishment, depending on what it is they usually will get warned. I give two warnings and the third it's done. Took their video games away for three months - to the day. If I say they aren't going out, they don't go. If I am angry my response is, don't do anything other than eat, use the bathroom and breathe until further notice. I will let you know when I have figured out your punishment for this.

Debra
03-25-2007, 12:25 PM
I definitely agree with the "pick your battles theory"... to me it's all about consistency. I'm very careful about what foot I put down..because when I say it, then it's followed through.

I know someone who's son is always in trouble and I really think it's because there were too many empty threats. By the time he was a teenager, she began this hide and seek game with him about trying to "catch him" doing things wrong and then she never really followed through with any punishment. He's in juvenile detention now but towards "the end"... she was having to hide her car keys at night when she went to bed in an attempt to keep him from stealing her car!

I really expect the best out of them and am nieve enough to believe that they are and were - for the most part - good, respectful, honest kids.

I can honestly also say, whether it's right or not, that my kids feared me and thier father. I have no regrets at all about that. I'm not thier buddy, never have been. Now that their adults, that relationship can happen but it's funny to hear them chuckle and roll their eyes when they hear those stories thinking there's no way they'd have done some of the things they hear others getting in trouble for.

Maisie
03-25-2007, 01:12 PM
You ladies are so bright! I would fly off the handle and react emotionally all the time.
I remember my oldest, he was 4 at the time, wanted something on his
Dad's dresser. So he pulled out all the drawers to make and staircase, and then climbed it! When it fell over, he started screaming. I got there in time, but I was 8 months pregnant w/ DD, I got the dresser up and off him before he got crushed. But... I told he better run, cause when I was done, I was going to beat him black and blue. I was so angry, and scared. I didn't beat him black and blue, and we laugh about it now. But I remember the anger, and I'm glad I cooled down before I went out of the bedroom.

Debra
04-01-2007, 12:40 PM
Yep Maisie... Many times I was thankful I was able to cool down...!!

babydoe
04-01-2007, 05:15 PM
It seems like kids know exactly what buttons to push to make you crazy. I sometimes just found myself so angry and upset that I just had to walk out of the house.

redring
04-02-2007, 10:02 PM
Not a mommy yet. Ill get it right eventually or just give in. Told DH that we do it by 30 or not at all. He wants kids I think but is afraid about me miscarrying agen and he wants to be READY. Will you ladies explain to him ready is not really posable. I am annoyingly openionated for one with NO kids though. "I wouldent do this" and "she should do that". I guess ill really know once i am there my self. i think strict is Wonderfull though. Too meany kids are let run wiled anymore. Thats the problem though. You send your kids to school with all the wiled ones and its "well so and so's parents dont do that" or "let them do this."

I am with twirly joy though. I was a pretty good kid so I am hopeing ill luck out and my kids will be too. Course I am also hopeing they will luck out and Ill not be like my mother and be able to see what good kids they are. I am planing on smothering my kids though :)

missmissy
04-10-2007, 06:12 PM
Just last sunday my older son came back from sunday school and told me my younger one put up his hand when the teachers asked if anyone had problems and needed prayer. His problem? "My parents are too strict"

We didn't know whether to cry or to laugh!!! Well yes, we are pretty strict, but we hadn't thought of it as a "problem" to our children!!

Just wondering how strict you are, or believe you should or should not be?

mine is very strict!. I wasnt allowed to go out until I was 18 years old.. then when I turned 18 I cant go without chaperone!.. :biggrin:

hvandiver
04-15-2007, 11:12 PM
I have Loved reading all the responses in this thread. My oldest, 10 yrs old and very very very strong-willed has run my dh and I down this year. His pediatrician said part of it is from 4th grade at his school (our ped's kids also went there, and I'll admit it's a tough school). The other part? Just his personality. He tells me many times how overly strict I am. I loooove it when he gets in my truck in the afternoon, at school pick-up, and tells me that so-and-so (teacher) is "even more strict than you!!" Makes me lol!

The part about the mother's curse made me laugh too--my mom said that to me a lot when I was a teen, though I was actually a really good kid. I do wish my mom were alive to see my kids, especially my not-always-sweet 10 yo, acting the way she "cursed me" in regards to my (then) future kids.